You will not fear the terror of night

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I’m writing this so it’s still fresh in my mind by the time someone asks me what my experience of sleep paralysis was like so I can remember.

You know that moment in a horror film when someone is being tortured or a person screams but the audio cuts out so you cannot hear it? The film portrays the moment like this to convey how much the person is suffering; in fact it’s so unbearable that the film cannot show you the viewer, how much they are suffering. The audio resumes once the moment is over. “God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind.” (2 Timothy 1:17) So when I experience something like that, I can call on Jesus and He will deliver me from fear. So this is what my experience was like:

I’m not normally someone who struggles to sleep due to my active and healthy lifestyle but every now and then, there can be something that keeps me awake. That’s only natural and something every person has in their lives occasionally. I’ve also heard that weird dreams are more common during lockdown. But this experience was – I don’t think – a dream. Instead it felt like I was just about to go sleep but was still awake. All of a sudden I had the sensation that something leapt on me and I could feel it on my chest. This might sound really weird but it was as if a being or presence started to wrestle with me. It was wrestling with my soul and I was struggling to break free physically. That’s the point! The being was spiritual, not physical and so I could not fight the being physically. I had to fight it in the Spirit. It only happened for about 5 seconds because of the action I took when I understood what was happening. Once before I had felt like I was slowly being squeezed at night and I said the name of Jesus. It left. I wasn’t really afraid the next day but just very aware of what had happened. This time, the fight felt more vicious. Something was angry with me and it just came over me very quickly and suddenly. The main point of focus was on my chest. When it began I actually knew what was happening and I didn’t want to fight. My mind told me that I was too tired, and for a few seconds I gritted my teeth and struggled on the bed. But I knew that I couldn’t let whatever this was stay on top of me. So I called out to Jesus in a whisper and began to speak in tongues and the pressure on my body just passed away. What was weird though – and why I made the reference to a horror film was because it was as if all sound cut out. As I was falling asleep I was aware of the sound my surroundings – gentle humming of household items and the slight ringing in your ears that we’ve all experienced. But everything went silent as this pressure hit my body and I struggled to break free. This makes me believe even more that horror films are demonic. I used to watch them until I realised that I had no business subjecting my mind and spirit to the very things God hates. And how messed up can a person’s mind be? The director and writer who chooses to create these films? Matthew 6:22-23 states:

“The lamp of the body is the eye; if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light. But if thine eye be evil, thy whole body shall be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in thee be darkness, how great is that darkness!”

Anyway, without speculating on all of that, I knew that there was power in the Name of Jesus and so I picked up my phone and began to play the Bible app. I lay awake for sometime, not exactly feeling frightened but a little in disbelief over what had happened. After I fell asleep, I slept well through the night.

My brother or sister, the point of me writing this to you is to help you understand that Hell gets angry when we get bold in the Lord. When I was a child and watched scary programmes like Doctor Who and woke up in the night scared. That was just a child that was scared because of what I’d watched. Nothing was happening in the spirit although I shouldn’t have been watching programmes that made me afraid and upset. When I backslid from Jesus at 18 years old, I began clubbing, drinking, hooking up, in wrong relationships and watching porn and horror films, the devil didn’t care. I wasn’t a threat to the Kingdom of God because I could talk about God all I wanted but my life didn’t match up to what I was saying. I wasn’t walking in the power of the Holy Spirit or in freedom because I was cheating on God with the things of the world. My housemates and University peers were not seeing me live my life very differently to them. I was being a hypocrite. But when I surrendered my fleshly lukewarm lifestyle at the foot of the Cross, my goodness that’s when things get serious. When you deny your flesh its desires, surrender them to God and allow Him to fill and satisfy you, this means war in the spirit realm. Isn’t it funny how it’s only since I started fasting, praying, making videos and writing about God that I have experienced these attacks. Because the devil knows that I am dangerous and that I am truly walking in power, crucifying sin at the Cross where my Saviour took the punishment I should have had. Acts 4:12:

“Neither is there salvation in any other: for there is none other name under heaven given among men, whereby we must be saved.”

On not loving the world

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“But seek first His Kingdom and His Righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well.” Matthew 6:33

I love these verses because they’re an important reminder for me to seek the things of God and not my own ways. When I was a child I always wanted to grow up and be a singer or a model. And I still have ambitions to perform on the stage to some capacity, because it’s a genuine love that God has given me. Over the summer 2019 I worked as a singer at a family holiday site, covering popular and generational music and I had a wonderful time doing this. I am a worshipper and I love to sing worship songs more than anything! Jesus changed my life and I owe Him all of me.

What does it mean to seek His Kingdom and His Righteousness? Jesus is speaking to the crowd and telling them not to worry about life on this earth. He states:
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air: They do not sow or reap or gather into barns—and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?” Luke 12:22-31
You’ve heard it a million times: don’t worry. But you have not let these words take root in your life if you continue as you are. Our physical needs are important. We all need food, water, shelter and clothes. Jesus acknowledges these things but He also says “the body is more than clothes.” People generally take their outward appearance seriously and want to dress well. Your outward appearance will play a part in the first impressions of meeting someone and people will often perceive you to be a certain way by how you dress. I love clothes and doing my make up and hair and there is nothing wrong with this. I say it is important to take care of yourself through exercise, healthy food, personal hygiene and clothing. However:
“Man looks at the outward appearance but the Lord looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7.
God is more concerned with your inner appearance. If you take a look at Matthew 23:25-27, Jesus states:
“25 Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you clean the outside of the cup and the plate, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. 26 You blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and the plate, that the outside also may be clean. 27 Woe to you scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs, which outwardly appear beautiful, but within are full of dead people’s bones and all uncleanness. 28 So you also outwardly appear righteous to others, but within you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.”
These verses are quite clear in that God cares more about how you live your life than how you look. The Pharisees cared about how much praise they got from people more than they cared about love, justice, mercy and putting others before themselves. This is also seen from Matthew 23:6-7.
When you neglect spending time with God and being “transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Romans 12:2) your focus will go into something else. For a lot people and for myself, for a long time I was so focussed on my physical appearance that it stole my joy. I had to eat healthy and workout every day; I would constantly look at myself in the mirror and wish that I was shorter, had a flatter stomach and other things. I believe that from this, envy sprung into my life as I compared myself to other women either on social media or those I knew in real life. In my head I wanted to be the best and the most beautiful. Yes I will go there! I wanted to be the most beautiful and attractive person in the room. I wanted the glory and attention from how I looked. This is a topic that so many people don’t feel they can talk about. And I really dislike the phrase: ‘jealousy is so unattractive in a woman’ because it feels like the person quoting is shaming someone else. But I guarantee that at some point in your life YOU were envious of someone else’s appearance, promotion or lifestyle. It is something we are all subjected to to an extent. But brother, sister let me speak to you right now:
You were never supposed to compete with anyone else. Just because the world places such an emphasis on a certain body type, lifestyle, job or what the world determines as a successful and happy individual, doesn’t mean it’s true. You believe what the majority of people say is true or right? Then you may as well discard everything I am saying because the last time I checked, most of the people in this world do not know Jesus and most of the people I know personally do not.
“For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. For it is written: ‘I will destroy the wisdom of the wise; the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate.'” 1 Corinthians 1:18
One thing I have noticed through the years before I started this website is that generally people like motivational speeches. Body positivity, loving yourself, being true to who you are and not settling in relationships. But as soon as someone preaches that you should love yourself because Christ loves you, you get agitated, shut down and say this preacher is crazy, going too far or should keep to themselves. Brother, sister, I ask you: why? And you need to ask yourself why it is that the freedom that Jesus offers you aggravates your spirit so much. You’re fine with horoscopes, magic, reincarnation, being told that blessings are coming your way, a higher power like “the universe” being in control. But you reject Jesus Christ who went to the cross and died for YOUR SIN only to rise three days later, so that you could be in relationship with Him. You would spend eternity in Heaven and not go to Hell where all the unsaved will go; those who have refused and lived without Christ in this life.
Does this upset you? Would you rather I said that everybody who was a good person in this life would go to Heaven, and those who do evil things will go to Hell? Now don’t get me wrong. It is true that a person who is a murderer or rapist who dies without repenting for their sin, will suffer an eternity in Hell for the wrong they have done. Justice will be served. But a person who lives their life without Jesus will not be able to go to Heaven. It is written:
“Many will say to me on that day: Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles? Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!'” Matthew 7:21-23
The Pharisees whose outward appearance appeared so good, holy and righteous will be told they cannot enter. God looks at the heart: your actions, attitude, your love for Him and for others, not at how you dress it up! Everybody wants to believe in an afterlife. That you will find your loved-ones who have died and that you will go to be with them. Hear me now: there are two places human beings will go to when they die and you will go to either one or the other: Heaven or Hell.
I love you too much to not tell you the truth. You may ask me how I know this and I am going to tell you to read the Bible and pray about everything you have read. Yes it doesn’t sound nice. Of course we want to believe that all good and kind people will go to Heaven, and all murderers and rapists will go to Hell. But the Bible, the Word of God does not affirm this. Jesus speaks and warns the people about Hell more than Heaven. When a child wants to put his fingers into a plug socket, you would slap that child’s hands away and firmly tell them to never do it again. The child may cry and be upset at the harshness of this action, not realising that you have saved them from being electrocuted. But that pain is only temporary and the child will live. So it is with us.
If going to Heaven was easy and if most people could go who lived a life we all believed was good and acceptable, then why did Jesus have to die on a cross? His death was for nothing if all ‘good’ people could make it in of their own accord! Why then is it written:
“Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow is the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.” Matthew 7:13-14.
Christ died for us because He loves us, because He loves us. The stakes were that high and no human being was able to live up to the perfect standard that was God. That is why before God walked the earth in the person of Jesus, there were the old testament laws that His people had to follow. They had to make sacrifices that were holy and pleasing to the Lord, to make atonement for their sins. Now we do not need to make animal sacrifices to make atonement for our sin, because Jesus Himself became the ultimate sacrifice. Whoever comes to Him is forgiven and made new.
I urge you to pray about what you have read in this post. And repent, for the Kingdom of God is at hand. He loves you and He is coming soon. On that day, what will Jesus say to you? Will you go to Heaven or to Hell? Now is the day to come to Him. Now is the day of salvation.
Be blessed in Jesus’ name.